As Published in Celebration! Magazine
Vol. 43 No. 3, March 3, 2012
Yarmulke: My Head Covering that Uncovered Jewish Identity
My favorite Jewish holiday is Simchat Torah, a holiday where Jews dance with the Torah, expressing that all Jews can connect to Judaism with joy and fervor. I love my synagogue’s Simchat Torah tradition. Each person makes a resolution in front of the entire congregation, stating how in some way he or she will take upon themselves a new life’s goal, whether that is a mitzvah or adding more to one’s own Jewish learning. For me, it’s inspiring to hear everybody’s resolutions, and it propels me to improved personal development.
Every year, I try to make big yet realistic resolutions for myself. Several years ago, I announced that I would propose marriage to my Jewish girlfriend (who is now my wife of seven years). Also several years ago, I said I would put on Tefillin a couple times a week. (Now, and for the past few years, I have been putting on Tefillin everyday). One resolution was to keep kosher, (which my wife and I have done for about five years). Another resolution was to wear a yarmulke at all times. Perhaps more than any other resolution, wearing a yarmulke has been the biggest inspiration to others.
For years, I would wear a yarmulke everywhere except in my place of work. I’m a public school teacher, and I didn’t feel comfortable wearing a yarmulke for a few reasons. Firstly, although I was born Jewish, I never wore a yarmulke (except in synagogue) while growing up. I wasn’t accustomed to it. Also, I didn’t want to necessarily differentiate myself in front of my students and colleagues. Being different can cause one to feel a sense of awkwardness, and a yarmulke would make me stand out.
Yet, I was climbing in my spiritual development. I started to believe that if I felt comfortable wearing a yarmulke in public everywhere else, maybe it was time to wear my yarmulke at school. Sometimes before making a Simchat Torah resolution, I would ask a former Milwaukeean, Rabbi Shais Taub, if my resolutions were appropriate for the level where I am holding spiritually. Rabbi Taub said it was an appropriate resolution, although realizing that it was a large step had me promise that I would not take on any new mitzvahs afterwards for the following three months. That settled it. Sure enough, that Simchat Torah, I was called to the bimah and made my yarmulke resolution. As soon as I made my resolution, one woman exclaimed out-loud to everybody, “Do you know where he works for a living?!” That was the first known result of the yarmulke’s inspiration, with several more to follow.
Wearing a yarmulke did in fact make me self-conscious and awkward for the first few months. Students would ask, “What is that hat on your head? Why do you wear that?” I’d explain that I’m Jewish, and some Jewish men wear head-coverings, called yarmulkes. Beyond that explanation, I didn’t feel comfortable explaining myself any further, so I’d immediately say it’s not pertinent to the lesson so lets get back to our studies. The reason for my hasty redirection away from the yarmulke is due to my initial awkwardness and not wishing to cross a line with separation of religion and state. Furthermore, I grew up in a suburb of Milwaukee called Brown Deer and attended public school, kindergarten through twelfth grade, in that village. There were very few Jews in my public school, and I always felt uncomfortable around holiday time because before winter break teachers would have parties with religious overtones. I never want to impose that discomfort onto my own students.
And it’s not as if I have a self-contained classroom where only twenty-five of my own students see me wearing a yarmulke. I am a Spanish teacher, teaching well over 500 students across three schools, in fourth through seventh grade. A huge student population is exposed to my yarmulke. This presents me with a certain fear. A deep concern of mine is that a student will dislike me and therefore generalize, gaining an unfavorable impression of all Jews. I hope I represent myself respectfully. Seeing my yarmulke, students and colleagues hold certain expectations of me. For example, Chanukah is a holiday in which Jews are permitted to work. Despite this, when teaching during the first few days of Chanukah, many gentiles and even a Jewish student himself questioned why I did not take off for the holiday. They expected me to be in synagogue. I doubt they would have that same expectation of me if I didn’t wear a yarmulke.
There is a particular incident that stands out. One day, after having finished teaching a fourth grade class, a girl came up to me and said, “Do you wear that thing on your head because you’re Jewish?” I answered affirmatively, to which she replied, “I’m also Jewish.” A few days later the schools were having an open house, an evening event where parents go from classroom to classroom, chatting with teachers and getting a glimpse into their children’s day. A man approached me in my classroom, saw my yarmulke, and said, “My daughter is Jewish. The only holidays she knows about are Chanukah and Passover. Do you have any materials or books you could pass along to her so she learns more about Judaism?” I made the connection that this was the father of the fourth grade girl who approached me after class. I told the father I’d be happy to help.
I would not normally delve into religion with any of my students or their parents, whether Jewish or not Jewish, because as I said, I’m cognizant of separation of religion and state. However, I figured that the father initiated the conversation himself, so this was a green light. I emailed my rabbi, Israel Shmotkin, asking if he has any books or materials that would be appropriate for a fourth grader. Rabbi Shmotkin called me and suggested I invite the mother and daughter to a community-wide Sukkah celebration that was going to take place in a few days for the holiday of Sukkot. The mother was not able to attend the celebration, as she was not with her daughter that particular weekend. Eventually, Rabbi Shmotkin and the mother made a connection, and she was invited to a Friday evening Shabbat meal at the Shmotkin’s house. For over a year, the mother has subsequently attended Friday night meals at the Shmotkin household almost every Shabbat. Both the mother and daughter are learning more about Judaism, and the family is very happy. The mother and daughter consulted the rabbi’s wife and it was decided that the duo would get Hebrew names. All of this happened because of a yarmulke!
There was a different student, a newcomer to the district, who was a fifth grader. After seeing me wear a yarmulke, without any prompting from me, this student decided to purposely bring a yarmulke to class and wear it while he was in my classroom. Although he only continued wearing his yarmulke for a few weeks, I could tell that it was a source of Jewish pride for this new student.
In another incident, I walked through the hallway of an elementary school during my lunch hour and observed a high school student tutoring a fourth grader in the hallway. Not thinking much of the incident, I returned to my classroom to create lesson plans for the following day. As I was working, the high school student came into my classroom and said she saw my yarmulke and wanted to stop in my classroom after seeing me wearing the yarmulke. She said something to the effect, “This might sound kind of funny and I hope I’m not bothering you, but I saw your yarmulke. It’s rare to see anybody wearing a yarmulke and I’m Jewish too.” The high school student said she doesn’t do much Jewishly, except once a year on Yom Kippur she goes to synagogue. We had a nice conversation about Judaism. I gave some Jewish articles that I wrote to her, and I’m looking forward to discussing these articles with her. It’s beautiful when two Jews can come together. Although they may be “strangers,” a Jew is bound to another Jew. And all of this came about as a result of seeing my yarmulke.
Above I mentioned that the gentiles expected me to be in synagogue on Chanukah. I do in fact take off for Jewish holidays. It’s actually difficult to be absent from teaching, as I have to create lesson plans for my absences. Attending synagogue is not a direct result of wearing a yarmulke, as I do it for my own religious convictions. In other words, taking off for a Jewish holiday is just as valid for a Jew who wears a yarmulke as it is for one who doesn’t wear a yarmulke. Yet, perhaps the yarmulke serves as a reminder that there is a Being above us who deserves our attention every bit as much if not more than our professions, that attending synagogue instead of work will rejuvenate us and make us more sensitive.
Last school year, the holy Jewish holiday of Shavuot (celebrating receiving the Torah) occurred on the last two days of school. I was in a dilemma. On the one hand, it’s important to be in synagogue for this two-day auspicious holiday. On the other hand, it’s the last two days of school--what would administrators say?! As I have multiple bosses, it added a twist to the situation. Maybe one principal would permit me to miss while another would be upset. Not only what would administrators say, I feel it’s important to review a year’s worth of Spanish and say a proper farewell. Ultimately, I decided to submit my forms in order to be absent on the last two days of school. There was a box on the form to be checked off for “religious holiday.” I checked that box and wrote next to it, “Shavuot.” I also contacted a substitute who had availability on those two days. Before my anticipated absence, no administrator spoke to me about my submitted forms. I took off the last two days of school and never received any known negative repercussions from my absence. Nobody said a word about it. I related this story to my fellow congregants, and it too was a source of inspiration for them. Just as the gentiles expected me to be in synagogue for Chanukah, I’m sure this same respect was afforded to me for Shavuot. Perhaps I’m respected more by following my Jewish ideals, and perhaps wearing a yarmulke is an outward extension of those ideals. How wonderful that a head-covering can bring strength to the individual and be a catalyst for others to express their Judaism.